Pam Halter
Writing Editing Serving

Parents Blog

Keeping it together - part five
1/21/2014 6:43:18 AM by: pam

This week's topic is an awkward one to talk about for most couples. But it's an important one, so read on. I hope this might help at least one couple who is struggling in this area.

 

Ah, sex and romance. What happened to them? Remember when you could barely leave each other alone? Remember cards and flowers and moonlit strolls on the beach? I do and I miss it. A lot.

We all know our sex lives fluctuate. It's natural for it to fall off while the kids are young and rediscover it again when the kids are grown and gone. But what about couples like us? In many cases, like mine and Daryl's, our special kids will never grow up and leave the nest. Anna won't. And Anna has seizures every day, sometimes at night. Because of this, I sleep in the same bed with her. I've saved her from suffocating in her pillow several times. How can I leave her alone all night, knowing this happens during a seizure? Daryl sleeps in our bedroom by himself. This does not create sexual intimacy between us. Maybe it's that way for you, too. So, what can we do?

Well, it could be exciting to try and figure out how and when we can grab some intimate time. We could plan and scheme and come up with all sorts of ideas. We could have FUN, for heaven's sake! So we don’t have all night at each other's side. That doesn't mean we can't have a full and healthy sex life. We just need to make the commitment to find time.

We also need to take advantage of unplanned time. Mary is in college. Anna is in a day program. There have been times when Daryl was home and we had the house to ourselves and did not take advantage of it. This creates tension between us because, frankly, I feel unwanted when he doesn't ask me during times like this. Which brings up another point. It doesn't have to be – it shouldn't be – one sided. Girls, go after your man!

Most importantly, talk about it. That's one of the REAL conversations you can have. For most people, sex is not easy to talk about. It's a deeply personal subject. But if you want healthy intimacy, you're going to have to swallow your pride, cool your blush, and talk. Men, just because your wife wants something different or more in the bedroom is not a message that you're not good enough. It's a shout out that you're doing something so RIGHT, she wants you even more! Doesn't that make you feel great? Women, TELL HIM how much you enjoy him. He will respond accordingly, much to your increased pleasure.

Listen to what each other needs. I bet it's pretty much the same thing. We all need to feel desirable and wanted. You'll be amazed at how all is right with the world when you've enjoyed your spouse this way.

 


Comments

pam From At 1/21/2014 11:27:08 AM

Yes, in-laws or parents living with us can create the same situation. Maybe even harder, because Anna has no idea what's going on. Which can be an advantage. :)

P S, NJ From At 1/21/2014 11:13:05 AM

This can be very true even if it isn't a special needs child. Mother-in-laws and or other relatives can also affect intimacy especially in a small home like mine. Timing can be very important! But the shared desire for intimacy is the impetus! Good luck (and good timing)to us all!

Julie From Gettysburg, PA At 1/21/2014 9:51:38 AM

What a great topic to address! You're 100% correct - you need to be more creative and open.

pam From At 1/21/2014 6:57:05 AM

Girl - I am soooo with you! We need to work on this area more than we realize. It's easy to put it on the back burner, isn't it? But we have to do something to change that. This post is as much for me as everyone else! Ha!

Terri From www.heartsinservice.blogspot.com At 1/21/2014 6:51:34 AM

Amen, sister! I know when it's been a while since we've had any sort of intimacy we both are tense and snapping at each other. I'm glad you've found a creative way to deal with this problem!

Previous Posts

The Power of Doritos
5/7/2018 12:00:00 PM  by: pam

Yay For Friends!
1/9/2018 3:15:00 PM  by: pam

Show You!
9/11/2017 12:58:00 PM  by: pam

Happy? 26th Birthday, Anna
5/15/2017 7:37:00 AM  by: pam

Re-grouping
3/14/2017 8:10:00 AM  by: pam

We can relate!
9/1/2016 8:00:00 AM  by: pam

A Little Fall Fun
10/18/2015 8:04:11 AM  by: pam

Going Commando
10/5/2015 6:37:04 PM  by: pam

So Behind
9/22/2015 8:42:33 AM  by: pam

Stares and Storytime
4/12/2015 7:12:46 AM  by: pam

Big Big Changes
3/27/2015 9:12:27 AM  by: pam

Blog Post on Autism
9/22/2014 7:30:14 AM  by: pam

The Power of Pets
9/12/2014 4:21:44 PM  by: pam

Depression's Demands
8/15/2014 2:19:26 PM  by: pam

Do We or Don't We?
8/4/2014 12:00:01 AM  by: pam

Falling Down
6/22/2014 1:36:52 PM  by: pam

Research Study
5/23/2014 12:48:08 PM  by: pam

Who goes? Who stays?
5/19/2014 12:11:51 PM  by: pam

Being Thankful
4/25/2014 7:37:26 AM  by: pam

Excellent Article
4/7/2014 7:03:09 AM  by: pam

Jury Duty and Holland
3/27/2014 7:36:35 AM  by: pam

I Confess
3/17/2014 8:11:55 AM  by: pam

The Dreaded Medication Change
3/4/2014 12:49:56 PM  by: pam

Keeping It Together - part seven
2/24/2014 1:03:18 PM  by: pam

Keeping it Together - part six
2/10/2014 8:20:16 AM  by: pam

A Milestone Day
2/3/2014 8:13:17 AM  by: pam

Keeping it together - part five
1/21/2014 6:43:18 AM  by: pam

Keeping It Together - part four
1/3/2014 7:56:02 AM  by: pam

Keeping it Together - part three
12/16/2013 7:34:46 AM  by: pam

Keeping it Together - part two
12/9/2013 6:30:25 AM  by: pam

Keeping it Together - part one
12/5/2013 8:00:03 AM  by: pam

Catching Up
11/13/2013 8:22:00 AM  by: pam

The Perfect House
10/25/2013 8:06:56 AM  by: pam

Another Mom in the Mix
10/7/2013 3:11:58 PM  by: pam

Grieving the Loss
9/24/2013 8:39:13 AM  by: pam

Great article
9/11/2013 1:06:06 PM  by: pam

This and That
9/9/2013 4:09:18 PM  by: pam

Fun in the ER
8/30/2013 9:17:32 AM  by: pam

Bless me, Anna!
8/14/2013 1:51:41 PM  by: pam

Talk to me, Anna!
8/8/2013 5:04:30 PM  by: pam

God's Will
7/30/2013 3:13:08 PM  by: pam

Update on Anna's bloodwork
7/24/2013 6:31:05 AM  by: pam

Stirring the Cesspool
7/11/2013 6:27:11 AM  by: pam

Vacation and Other Fun Stuff
7/3/2013 5:46:28 AM  by: pam

A Day at the Beach
6/17/2013 8:05:05 AM  by: pam

Anna's Surgery Experience
6/5/2013 12:03:49 PM  by: pam

No Place For Anna
5/26/2013 8:27:52 AM  by: pam

Painful Gifts
5/21/2013 8:56:57 AM  by: pam

Happy 22nd Birthday, Anna!
5/15/2013 6:48:55 AM  by: pam

A Rough Day
5/6/2013 6:18:44 AM  by: pam

Things I've Learned - part five
4/30/2013 8:02:08 AM  by: pam

Things I've Learned - part four
4/22/2013 6:51:41 AM  by: pam

Things I've Learned - part three
4/15/2013 6:14:06 AM  by: pam

Things I've Learned - part two
4/9/2013 7:40:11 AM  by: pam

Interview with Terri Groh
4/5/2013 5:44:08 AM  by: pam

Things I've Learned - part one
4/3/2013 7:55:42 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part eight
3/27/2013 6:06:08 AM  by: pam

Comparisons
3/18/2013 8:06:43 AM  by: pam

Why Is It A Blessing?
3/11/2013 6:24:04 AM  by: pam

Tim's Place
3/8/2013 11:57:02 AM  by: pam

New Medication Worries
3/5/2013 6:38:36 AM  by: pam

A Night Out for Anna
2/25/2013 11:29:44 AM  by: pam

Play it again, Sam
2/20/2013 5:47:32 AM  by: pam

Happy Birthday
2/15/2013 5:32:13 AM  by: pam

The Anna Bowl
2/4/2013 8:01:33 AM  by: pam

The Queen of Babble-on
1/30/2013 12:45:36 PM  by: pam

Really, people?
1/25/2013 7:36:11 AM  by: pam

Cold Feet
1/23/2013 7:55:46 AM  by: pam

Hearing God
1/15/2013 6:58:57 AM  by: pam

Running Away
1/10/2013 11:19:00 AM  by: pam

Post-Christmas-Reentry-Syndrome
1/4/2013 6:49:36 AM  by: pam

Emmanuel, God With Us
12/17/2012 6:51:08 AM  by: pam

Take Heart
12/7/2012 4:42:07 AM  by: pam

Jumping in the Leaves
11/27/2012 5:56:16 AM  by: pam

Being Thankful
11/19/2012 7:02:07 AM  by: pam

Patience and Love and Wretchedness
11/13/2012 7:38:47 AM  by: pam

A Typical Halter Vacation
11/8/2012 8:35:45 AM  by: pam

Is This Really My Life?
11/1/2012 5:21:04 AM  by: pam

Frankenstorm
10/27/2012 4:22:45 PM  by: pam

A Small Victory at Anna's Program
10/24/2012 7:21:36 AM  by: pam

Update on the problem at Anna's program
10/22/2012 8:23:51 AM  by: pam

The Fight Goes On
10/19/2012 4:55:06 AM  by: pam

Fighting the Good Fight
10/18/2012 7:01:44 AM  by: pam

Sit down, Anna
10/16/2012 6:44:47 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - conclusion
10/15/2012 8:32:45 AM  by: pam

The Cloaking Device
10/12/2012 6:22:27 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part seven
10/11/2012 5:56:56 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part six
10/10/2012 5:35:53 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part five
10/9/2012 6:59:06 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part four
10/4/2012 6:00:52 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part three
10/3/2012 6:09:22 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part two
10/2/2012 5:29:13 AM  by: pam

The Things People Say - part one
10/1/2012 7:52:27 AM  by: pam

Godzilla Lives at my House
9/27/2012 6:58:41 AM  by: pam

The Early Bird Gets Eaten
9/26/2012 5:22:30 AM  by: pam

Over and Over Again
9/25/2012 5:15:50 AM  by: pam

What Good Are Seizures?
9/21/2012 11:48:29 AM  by: pam

Why Me?
9/20/2012 8:37:32 AM  by: pam

The Rest of my Life?
9/19/2012 5:47:36 AM  by: pam

Feelings
9/18/2012 1:23:56 PM  by: Pam