Pam Halter
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Keeping It Together - part four
1/3/2014 7:56:02 AM by: pam

Today, I want to talk about conversing with your spouse.

Remember when you were first dating? Daryl and I used to stay up until the wee hours of the morning, talking. I was exhausted the next day, but we were in the process of learning everything about each other. What was more important than that? I have a news flash for you; you'll spend a lifetime getting to know your spouse. I've known Daryl for over twenty five years and every now and then I say, "I didn't know that about you!" This thing is we don't live in a vacuum. We are always changing and growing. If we don't talk with our spouses, they will look at us one day and see a stranger.

So, how do you have a real conversation? What IS a real conversation? Let's take the second question first. A real conversation between husband and wife is one where you don't talk about the kids and the problems and everyday stuff. And you don't have to leave the house to do it, but that helps, especially if your child is mouthy, like Anna. If you have respite care or a sitter you trust, make a date and go somewhere you can talk. Really talk. Get the small stuff talked about first and then pick a topic. What are you interested in? What hopes and dreams do you still have? Is there a part of Scripture you can debate? I'm not saying never talk about the kids or the house or problems, but make time to talk about other things that are imporant to you.

The most important part of how to have a real conversation is listening. If you're not listening, you won't learn anything about your spouse. If you're spending the conversation time thinking about what you want to say, you won't hear anything wonderful. A great conversation is the best way to create intimacy, and I don't mean sexual intimacy, although that's important and we'll talk about that later.

Real conversation doesn't have to last for hours. We don't have hours to spend away from our families, anyway. And it takes practice. But if you invest some time in real conversation, you'll find a positive difference in how you view your spouse.

The first step to having a real conversation is making the decision to trust your spouse. Sure, it's a little scary, but the benefits will take care of that.

James 1:19-20 "My dear brothers (and sisters), take note of this; Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God intends."

 


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