We’re familiar with the portion of the marriage vows “In sickness and in health.” We assume that means the sickness or health of our spouse, however I’d like to propose this can also mean the sickness or health of our children, grandchildren, parents or siblings. Let’s even say the sickness or health of anyone you’re close to.
The focus here is having a child with special needs. Anna has autism and seizures. Your child may have another disability. It doesn’t really matter the source; the stress and emotions are the same, and it puts stress on any marriage.
It's been said eighty to ninety percent of marriages with a special needs child fail. These statistics are staggering. It almost seems like an impossible task holding a marriage together in this situation. But it can be done. I'm going to walk you through the unique situation having a special needs child puts on a marriage and offer advice on how we hold on to our relationship together through it all. How we hang on, even when it's not pretty. I realize every relationship is different, but there are enough similarities I can help with.
It's distressing every time we hear of a couple divorcing, even if they don't have a special needs child. I wonder, what's their excuse? I have enough stress to kill an elephant, let alone a marriage, and Daryl and I are still together. It's especially hard when I hear the reasons like:
I'm not in love with her anymore.
We don't communicate with each other.
He isn't sensitive to my needs.
I just don't want to be married.
She isn't the person I married.
It's not like a spouse who is abusive or is cheating. The above reasons for divorce are easier to fix than violence or infidelity. Because it's so easy to get a divorce today, it's a simple thing to justify, especially when you feel unhappy. We deserve to be happy, right?
Before we go on, let me tell you something I think will help you right from the start. Daryl and I are struggling. We're in counseling right now, and not for the first time. We are not the perfect couple people tell us we are. We don't communicate well, often taking what the other says wrong. We bicker and snap at each other. We resent each other. We don't listen to each other. We spend next to no time together - in any way. So, you see, we aren't a couple who has it all together. But we are a couple who loves each other and have made the decision to fight for our marriage, and we encourage you to enter the fight with us. It's proved exhausting so far, but I have to believe it's going to be worth it. I have to have hope we'll come out on the other end, still not perfect, but with our relationship intact and stronger than it is right now.
Here is a list of topics I would like to talk about:
Your spouse is not your enemy
Siblings
Having a conversation, no, a REAL conversation
Sex and romance
Division of duties
Counseling; when do you need it?
Support groups – do you need one?
So, stay tuned. I'm hoping for some great discussion!
Medical Moms
1/26/2019 7:03:00 AM by: pam
The Power of Doritos
5/7/2018 12:00:00 PM by: pam
Yay For Friends!
1/9/2018 3:15:00 PM by: pam
Show You!
9/11/2017 12:58:00 PM by: pam
Happy? 26th Birthday, Anna
5/15/2017 7:37:00 AM by: pam
Re-grouping
3/14/2017 8:10:00 AM by: pam
We can relate!
9/1/2016 8:00:00 AM by: pam
A Little Fall Fun
10/18/2015 8:04:11 AM by: pam
Going Commando
10/5/2015 6:37:04 PM by: pam
So Behind
9/22/2015 8:42:33 AM by: pam
Stares and Storytime
4/12/2015 7:12:46 AM by: pam
Big Big Changes
3/27/2015 9:12:27 AM by: pam
Blog Post on Autism
9/22/2014 7:30:14 AM by: pam
The Power of Pets
9/12/2014 4:21:44 PM by: pam
Depression's Demands
8/15/2014 2:19:26 PM by: pam
Do We or Don't We?
8/4/2014 12:00:01 AM by: pam
Falling Down
6/22/2014 1:36:52 PM by: pam
Research Study
5/23/2014 12:48:08 PM by: pam
Who goes? Who stays?
5/19/2014 12:11:51 PM by: pam
Being Thankful
4/25/2014 7:37:26 AM by: pam
Excellent Article
4/7/2014 7:03:09 AM by: pam
Jury Duty and Holland
3/27/2014 7:36:35 AM by: pam
I Confess
3/17/2014 8:11:55 AM by: pam
The Dreaded Medication Change
3/4/2014 12:49:56 PM by: pam
Keeping It Together - part seven
2/24/2014 1:03:18 PM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part six
2/10/2014 8:20:16 AM by: pam
A Milestone Day
2/3/2014 8:13:17 AM by: pam
Keeping it together - part five
1/21/2014 6:43:18 AM by: pam
Keeping It Together - part four
1/3/2014 7:56:02 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part three
12/16/2013 7:34:46 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part two
12/9/2013 6:30:25 AM by: pam
Keeping it Together - part one
12/5/2013 8:00:03 AM by: pam
Catching Up
11/13/2013 8:22:00 AM by: pam
The Perfect House
10/25/2013 8:06:56 AM by: pam
Another Mom in the Mix
10/7/2013 3:11:58 PM by: pam
Grieving the Loss
9/24/2013 8:39:13 AM by: pam
Great article
9/11/2013 1:06:06 PM by: pam
This and That
9/9/2013 4:09:18 PM by: pam
Fun in the ER
8/30/2013 9:17:32 AM by: pam
Bless me, Anna!
8/14/2013 1:51:41 PM by: pam
Talk to me, Anna!
8/8/2013 5:04:30 PM by: pam
God's Will
7/30/2013 3:13:08 PM by: pam
Update on Anna's bloodwork
7/24/2013 6:31:05 AM by: pam
Stirring the Cesspool
7/11/2013 6:27:11 AM by: pam
Vacation and Other Fun Stuff
7/3/2013 5:46:28 AM by: pam
A Day at the Beach
6/17/2013 8:05:05 AM by: pam
Anna's Surgery Experience
6/5/2013 12:03:49 PM by: pam
No Place For Anna
5/26/2013 8:27:52 AM by: pam
Painful Gifts
5/21/2013 8:56:57 AM by: pam
Happy 22nd Birthday, Anna!
5/15/2013 6:48:55 AM by: pam
A Rough Day
5/6/2013 6:18:44 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part five
4/30/2013 8:02:08 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part four
4/22/2013 6:51:41 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part three
4/15/2013 6:14:06 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part two
4/9/2013 7:40:11 AM by: pam
Interview with Terri Groh
4/5/2013 5:44:08 AM by: pam
Things I've Learned - part one
4/3/2013 7:55:42 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part eight
3/27/2013 6:06:08 AM by: pam
Comparisons
3/18/2013 8:06:43 AM by: pam
Why Is It A Blessing?
3/11/2013 6:24:04 AM by: pam
Tim's Place
3/8/2013 11:57:02 AM by: pam
New Medication Worries
3/5/2013 6:38:36 AM by: pam
A Night Out for Anna
2/25/2013 11:29:44 AM by: pam
Play it again, Sam
2/20/2013 5:47:32 AM by: pam
Happy Birthday
2/15/2013 5:32:13 AM by: pam
The Anna Bowl
2/4/2013 8:01:33 AM by: pam
The Queen of Babble-on
1/30/2013 12:45:36 PM by: pam
Really, people?
1/25/2013 7:36:11 AM by: pam
Cold Feet
1/23/2013 7:55:46 AM by: pam
Hearing God
1/15/2013 6:58:57 AM by: pam
Running Away
1/10/2013 11:19:00 AM by: pam
Post-Christmas-Reentry-Syndrome
1/4/2013 6:49:36 AM by: pam
Emmanuel, God With Us
12/17/2012 6:51:08 AM by: pam
Take Heart
12/7/2012 4:42:07 AM by: pam
Jumping in the Leaves
11/27/2012 5:56:16 AM by: pam
Being Thankful
11/19/2012 7:02:07 AM by: pam
Patience and Love and Wretchedness
11/13/2012 7:38:47 AM by: pam
A Typical Halter Vacation
11/8/2012 8:35:45 AM by: pam
Is This Really My Life?
11/1/2012 5:21:04 AM by: pam
Frankenstorm
10/27/2012 4:22:45 PM by: pam
A Small Victory at Anna's Program
10/24/2012 7:21:36 AM by: pam
Update on the problem at Anna's program
10/22/2012 8:23:51 AM by: pam
The Fight Goes On
10/19/2012 4:55:06 AM by: pam
Fighting the Good Fight
10/18/2012 7:01:44 AM by: pam
Sit down, Anna
10/16/2012 6:44:47 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - conclusion
10/15/2012 8:32:45 AM by: pam
The Cloaking Device
10/12/2012 6:22:27 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part seven
10/11/2012 5:56:56 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part six
10/10/2012 5:35:53 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part five
10/9/2012 6:59:06 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part four
10/4/2012 6:00:52 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part three
10/3/2012 6:09:22 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part two
10/2/2012 5:29:13 AM by: pam
The Things People Say - part one
10/1/2012 7:52:27 AM by: pam
Godzilla Lives at my House
9/27/2012 6:58:41 AM by: pam
The Early Bird Gets Eaten
9/26/2012 5:22:30 AM by: pam
Over and Over Again
9/25/2012 5:15:50 AM by: pam
What Good Are Seizures?
9/21/2012 11:48:29 AM by: pam
Why Me?
9/20/2012 8:37:32 AM by: pam
The Rest of my Life?
9/19/2012 5:47:36 AM by: pam
Feelings
9/18/2012 1:23:56 PM by: Pam