Pam Halter
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Parents Blog

Bless me, Anna!
8/14/2013 1:51:41 PM by: pam

I've been struggling lately with being Anna's mommy.  No surprise there, huh? It brought to mind an email I got from the aide on Anna's bus one summer.  I may have shared it with you before. If I did, it's worth reading again.

(summer 2010)

Dear Mrs. Halter,

I was Anna's bus aide during the summer.  I hope you had a nice vacation and I especially want to thank you for the homemade tomato sauce.  I used it to make spaghetti and crabs and it was very delicious.

When I first started to ride the bus with Anna, she would sit close to the window and occasionally she would glance at me. I thought that if I could get her to pass her leaves to me, maybe we could pass other things. I brought different things for us to "play" with, we passed them back and forth and I would have her repeat the name or color to me.  Our interactions made for very lovely bus rides, but it was even more special to share a few laughs with her!  You see, six years ago this past July, our 19-year old son died in an automobile accident on the way home from work.  Since then, I try to smile on the outside but rarely smile on the inside.  Anna was able to make me smile on the inside.  She is a very special person with a wonderful smile.  I'll never forget her or our bus trips together.

May God bless your family!

Lu

 

I wept as I read. Then I looked at Anna and said, "Why don't you bless ME?" Immediately, God spoke to my heart: she's not here to bless YOU. You are the caregiver of MY instrument of blessing. It's not about you.

I didn't wet my pants, but I wanted to. You know what I'm saying?

I stopped weeping and considered the situation. It was true. Anna blesses people. No matter where we go, she blesses someone. There's something about Anna that touches peoples' hearts. I could never understand until God explained it that day. My first thought was that He had given me a special honor and I should feel thankful. But I don't. Caregiving is not an easy job. It's often dirty, exhausting, filled with struggles, and always unnoticed.

Matthew 6:1, 3-4 says, "Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven … do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

I was convicted deeply in my heart. God sees everything I do for Anna. He also sees when I'm not quite as nice as I could be. He hears every loving word. He hears every hateful word. What kind of caregiver was I, anyway?

Well, like the rest of us, I'm a flawed caregiver. I often fail. But there are more times when I do the right thing – only by the grace of God. So, when I grumble, punch the wall, cry out for help or weep into the carpet, I remember the situation is not a blessing, but God has brought blessings around it.

Remember the beautiful song from White Christmas? "When you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep. And you'll fall asleep counting your blessings!" God gave me this situation, true, but He hasn't left me alone to handle it. I've often said He always takes care of Anna. That doesn't mean she never suffers or things never go wrong, mind you. They do. However, when I take my eyes off myself and begin counting those blessings, I see so many I can hardly count them.

 


Comments

pam From At 8/15/2013 5:52:47 AM

I will look up that hymn. My mind is boggled when I think of all that will be revealed. I can only hope there are more good things on my side then bad. When I have a bad day, I'm always nervous and repentant, but then I fall again. It makes me tired.

Jenny From PA At 8/14/2013 6:58:12 PM

PS... I LOVE that the Lord let you see a small piece of the puzzle through Anna's bus aide. Beautiful.... What a gift. And in such an unexpected way. We will see millions of things like that when we reach eternity.

jenny From pa At 8/14/2013 6:55:50 PM

Oh Pam...Just last week I looked up the Hymn ""Count Your Blessings"" and posted it on my computer. You HAVE to read the verses! They are all about suffering, tempest tossed lives and looking at others who seem to have no troubles. I never remembered the verses... just the chorus. Count on!

Carol From Vineland, NJ At 8/14/2013 3:51:49 PM

I read a wonderful book called, ""One Thousand Gifts"" by Christian author and blogger, Ann Voskamp. She talks about finding the blessings in everyday life, especially in the hard and not so ""blessing-like"" parts of li. You might enjoy reading her book. Her blog's called A Holy Experience. She's on

pam From At 8/14/2013 2:19:29 PM

We can't give up, can we?

Trish From Colorful Colorado At 8/14/2013 2:15:13 PM

Oh, Pam. This made me tear up. All mommies say hurtful things, me included. Thanks for the reminder to keep our eyes on the right things. Keep using the oils faithfully and we should be seeing some good results.

Julie Ann Monzi From Gettysburg, PA At 8/14/2013 2:00:05 PM

What a beautiful post, Pam!

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