Pam Halter
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The Things People Say - part eight
3/27/2013 6:06:08 AM by: pam

Just when I think I've heard it all, someone says something new that makes me want to say, "Shut up!" This one surprised me, especially because of who said it. I won't mention any names, but this person has had plenty of struggles in his life; struggles no one would want to go through.

We were talking about Anna and the new medication – it's going okay so far, by the way. She's still having seizures, but no bad side effects. We're still on a schedule to build up to the full dosage – and he asked me about the book for parents of special needs children. I said it was on the back burner for now and I was concentrating more on blogging. I mentioned the original title, "Shut Up, It's Not A Blessing" and we laughed. Then he said it.

"I hear ya, but when it's all said and done, you'd do it all over again."

I didn't hesitate a second. "No, I wouldn't."

"You wouldn't?" he said.

"I want a normal child!" I said. "Are you crazy? I wouldn't choose to do this again."

Okay, so let's look at this. You have a child with disabilities. You and she struggle on a daily basis. Doctor visits, hospital runs, medications, seizures, mental retardation, worry, stress, grief, and more. Does that sound like something you would want to do again if you had a choice? Would you want your child to suffer all this? I'm sorry, but anyone who wants to do this is nuts. Think about the worst time in your life. Would you really want to go through the suffering again? Would you want your loved one to suffer all over again?

It's not a question of wanting Anna. Of course, I want her and love her. I simply want her to be free of autism and seizures and mental retardation. What's wrong with that?

This is another situation where it's best to say nothing. A good opportunity to think about what you would want to hear in a similar situation.

You probably have noticed this is part eight – yes, there are seven other blog topics about the things people say. Check out the archives. I'll add to this topic as new things people say come up.

I'd love to hear what people say to you.


Comments

Jenny From PA At 4/2/2013 10:22:03 AM

I think Christians in particular say stuff like this because they think it's more spiritual. Gee, Jesus didn't even want to go to the cross. He asked God if there was another way...

Marlene Bagnull From Lansdale At 3/27/2013 7:19:34 AM

Father, please help us to think before we speak.

pam From At 3/27/2013 6:57:48 AM

I think people see our love for Anna and assume we're totally okay with her disability. So, they respond like my friend did. They simply don't think. That's why I'm blogging; to help parents and also to educate the general population. HA!

Chris From Pennsville, NJ At 3/27/2013 6:50:43 AM

I think he really didn't say what he specifically meant, don't you think? Maybe he was weighing life with your daughter vs life without? I don't know, people are something else!

pam From At 3/27/2013 6:19:23 AM

You mean you wouldn't do it all over again? ;)

Julie Ann Monzi From Gettysburg At 3/27/2013 6:18:13 AM

I'm speechless. I wouldn't even know what to say to that.

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