Pam Halter
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Parents Blog

Why Is It A Blessing?
3/11/2013 6:24:04 AM by: pam

It happened to me again this weekend. Someone told me Anna was a blessing from God. Someone who doesn't have a special needs child. Those of you who know me know what this does to me. How it stabs me in the heart. Makes me feel sad and inadequate and ungrateful. See, I don't think having Anna is a blessing. Don't get me wrong – there are blessings God has brought along with Anna. But the situation is NOT a blessing. Not to me.

Anna will never grow up, get a job, get married, have children, drive a car, to go college, be able to dress herself, brush her own teeth, make her own food, have a conversation, tell me what she did at her program, have a play date, have a real date, take a walk by herself, sleep by herself, tie her own shoes . . . need I go on? How is this a blessing?

And we've talked about what will happen to her when I'm gone or too old to take care of her.

I have to take Anna on Tuesday to get an EKG. Yet another doctor visit I have to handle on my own. I resent that, too. I'm still waiting to hear from the neurologist about having the battery changed in her VNS. The neurosurgeon can't even consult with us until May 2nd. The battery will be dead by then! And I can't get the children's hospital to send her records to the new hematologist so we can have that in order before surgery. I need to schedule an eye doctor appointment, too, and let me tell you how much fun THAT is, taking Anna to the eye doctor by myself. And we're in the beginning of the joy of trying a new anti-seizure medication that has potential horrible side effects. Yeah, that's a blessing. If it works. Fifteen years of trying new medications and we're still having seizures.

Can you tell I'm feeling frustrated today?  I can't even cry about it.

Why is this a blessing? Why is Anna a blessing? Why do you think having a child who suffers is a blessing? Why do people who don't have special needs children feel they have to tell us who do that we are blessed? I can't imagine they're wishing they had a disabled child, too!!

SIGH.


Comments

Marlene Bagnull From Lansdale At 3/12/2013 7:29:22 AM

I love you, Pam, and I'm praying!

Debra L. Butterfield From Missouri At 3/12/2013 7:28:00 AM

That phrase is one of those thoughtless lines people come up with because they don't know anything else to say and feel they have to say something. I can't begin to imagine your struggles and heartache, but I know that God can bring you through. Lean on him.

pam From At 3/11/2013 1:15:37 PM

It's true the Bible says children are a blessing from God. I guess there needs to be another way to say it to parents like us who are soooo stressed and tired. I'm not pointing the finger at you personally. Believe me, I hear it from lots of people.

JSS From At 3/11/2013 12:15:54 PM

Sorry if I said something to upset you so badly. This is how I feel - All children are blessings from God - God intrusted you and Daryl with Anna's care. I look as parents with special needs children as heros and stronger then I. God feels you are stronger then I. God knows I could never handle it

pam From At 3/11/2013 11:33:51 AM

thanks for prayers and compassion everyone - yes, BB, I think you're right about people not really meaning the situation is a blessing. It just hits me so hard some days.

Barbara From New Jeresy At 3/11/2013 11:01:53 AM

I feel your pain, Pam. I love Anna, but cannot begin to imagine what her life is likenor yours. Praying for all who love special needs children.

BB From Vermont At 3/11/2013 10:51:57 AM

The only think I can think is that what the person meant to say is that Anna is precious. And that she is, despite all her struggles and yours. Sometimes people confuse blessing with precious and don't realize it. I'm praying for you today. I get it. Love you. -BB

Julie Ann Monzi From Gettysburg At 3/11/2013 9:12:14 AM

There is a boy in our church who went to preschool with Abigail. He is in a wheelchair with severe CP and will never speak. I have never once thought to say to her what a blessing he is. Tell the person you'll call them the next time Anna has a seizure so they can come over and be blessed.

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