Pam Halter
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Parents Blog

The Things People Say - conclusion
10/15/2012 8:32:45 AM by: pam

It’s okay if you don’t have the right words. Sometimes, it’s better to say nothing. I know people want to say the right thing to provide comfort or encouragement, but really, you don’t have to. Maybe a hug or a smile would be enough for a struggling parent. Or how about a cup of coffee and a brownie? Or an offer to sit with a child so the parent get a shower without begging God to keep their child safe for ten minutes?

Listen, don’t feel bad if you don’t know what to say. There are times when I don’t have the right words, either. And I often don’t have the strength to talk about it, anyway. I am more than Anna’s mommy. Talking about other things can help relieve the constant stress.

I have one more request. Stop sending articles, newspaper clippings and books about kids with special needs. Especially the ones where the child overcomes their disability and writes poetry or music. It doesn’t help me to read about other children doing things Anna will never be able to do. Like I said above, I’m more than Anna’s mommy. I enjoy cooking, quilting, reading, gardening and more. Please see me for who I am.

Don’t forget the daddies. My husband doesn’t have the bulk of Anna’s care, but he’s under just as much stress, sometimes more. He worries about Anna, but he also worries about me and my health. Ask the father how he’s doing and if you can do anything to help. He enjoys a cup of coffee with a friend, too. Although in our case, Daryl enjoys chocolate chip cookies more than brownies.

Most of all, think about what you would want someone to say to you if you were in the same position. You’ll never go wrong that way.


Comments

pam From At 10/16/2012 11:56:19 AM

Thank you, Carol ... I know you understand, especially with the worry we have about seizures.

Carol From Pennsville At 10/16/2012 9:52:27 AM

I so agree with Marilyn!You are an inspiration to all of us who think we have problems.The talks with you on this subject have ment more than you will ever know.Knowing that there is someone that I respect has the same feelings is comforting.Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Carol

pam From At 10/15/2012 3:48:38 PM

Thank you, Marilyn - that means so much!

Marilyn Cooksey Eller From Pennsville At 10/15/2012 11:53:37 AM

Pam, I just have to say when I see you or see your posts on FB, I never ever have thought of you as just Anna's Mother. The first thing of think of is when I first met you and really liked you, our belly dancing days, etc.

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