Pam Halter
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The Things People Say - part three
10/3/2012 6:09:22 AM by: pam

"Just Think What You Would Have Missed"

Let’s see, what would I have missed? The wonderful world of autism, watching my child suffer with seizures and excessive bleeding, ER runs (the emergency people knew us by name, and so did the nursing staff at the children’s hospital), seeing the doctor on a regular basis (and we all know how much fun sitting for hours in the waiting room can be), going to the neurologist three to four times a year (his waiting room is no better than the family doctor’s), learning there IS such a thing as a pediatric GYN, meeting Anna’s holier-than-thou-hematologist and the gastroenterologist who was nice, but didn’t really help the entire problem, seeing a pediatric orthopedic doctor every so often because Anna 'toe walks', going to the eye doctor every few weeks because Anna developed a lazy eye,  blood work three to four times a year, the year-long diet study that didn’t help enough to continue, EEGs, EKGs, x-rays, worry and panic, sleep deprivation, depression, anxiety and constant grief. I grieve the loss of a normal child. Every time Mary accomplishes something, I celebrate for her and grieve for Anna. Every time my grandchildren achieve their milestones, I celebrate for them and grieve for Anna.

There is something else I would have missed, though, and that’s the unconditional love Anna has for me. No matter how frustrated or angry I get, Anna loves me. I can say things like, “Go away, Anna. I don’t want to do this anymore,” and Anna will smile and want a hug. When I’ve been away, I’m always greeted with enthusiasm and adoration. Every time. Perhaps this is what people mean when they remind me I would have missed something if I never had her. I get it. But when you compare this with the list above, you can understand why it’s hard for me to hear what I would have missed.

What I’d like to hear is, “I can’t imagine what you have to go through with Anna some days.” Then I can agree, and if I’m having a good day, I’ll talk about Anna’s great love for us. I can thank the Lord Anna allows us to love on her – she actually wants hugs and kisses, which most autistic kids shun.


Comments

Carolyn Ruch From Hatfield, Pa At 10/3/2012 7:35:33 AM

So well said.

pam From At 10/3/2012 7:05:22 AM

Yes, Cyndi - you CAN relate to some of this. It doesn't matter the source or the problem your child has, it creates the same emotions. This is why I'm blogging. I want parents to know someone understands all the frustration, stress and crappy emotions. And these emotions don't make us bad parents.

Cyndi From Pennsville, NJ At 10/3/2012 6:46:50 AM

I've known you forever and I KNOW you're an amazing mom. I don't know how you do it all and with a smile on your face. When I read Pat Monahan's blog, you immediately sprang to mind. You are truly one of the AMAZING BAMFs he blogged about. Thank you for this blog. I can relate to some.

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