Keeping it Together

Keeping it Together - part two
Monday, December 9, 2013 by pam

Everywhere you look, you get "It's all about YOU" shoved in your face. Marriage isn't just about the individual person. A marriage with a special needs child is a marriage that's not about the couple anymore. Instead, it's all about the child. That can create feelings of "what about me? What about what I need?" The great care of our child takes individual time AND together time away from us, and we're often left with feelings of resentment. The reality is, with or without a special needs child, when we say, "I do," that's the point where it is no longer about ME, but where it becomes about US. The difference here is the wild card dealt us; a special needs child.

And it doesn't stop when your child is grown. Anna is 22-years-old. She still functions at about 18 months, with some scattered older skills. However, I have no idea what they are. When my grandchildren were 18-months-old, they ran circles around Anna.

Anyway, let's get to the list. The first thing up is "My Spouse is not My Enemy." I'm going into teaching mode, now, so the next few weeks will be a little different from what I usually write.

It feels like they are sometimes, doesn't it? The enemy. Daryl and I learned this from a marriage retreat weekend our church sent us on. It was the only thing of value we took away from the program. Looking back, I can see the last thing we needed was going away with hundreds of other couples. We needed someone to sit with us and guide us. I'm not knocking this kind of weekend. It works for lots of couples, just not us.

How many wives have this thought: "If he really loved me, he would know what I need, what I'm thinking." I believe this statement is a lie from the pit of hell. A believable lie. But it stems from selfishness. And it's where thinking your husband is the enemy starts. These thoughts come to me often, especially after 23 years of marriage. We should know each other better, right? We love each other. We're on the same side. Then why doesn't it feel that way? I think it's the old "log in the eye" syndrome. You know the story. We see the faults in our spouse, but the truth is, our own faults are blocking the way. It prevents us from seeing what's really there. Daryl and I are never more at our best then when there's an emergency with Anna. We become the Power Twins. Everyone get out of the way, because we are a force to be reckoned with. I hate it that God has to remind us in this way that we are truly on the same side. I need to take the log out of my own eye and see Daryl for who he truly is. My partner, my lover, my friend. Is he perfect? Nope. But hey, all I have to do is look in the mirror and see my imperfect self.

The real enemy of every marriage is Satan. He's a deceiver and he fools us into thinking our spouses are our enemies. We have to stop believing him and start thinking of our spouse as an ally.

Genesis 2:18, 22-24 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.