Pam Halter
Writing Editing Serving

Parents Blog

Things I've Learned - part three
Monday, April 15, 2013 by pam

I’ve learned to slow down. Anna can’t move fast or engage in too many activities. It just isn’t possible. At first, I felt frustrated, but then I realized my hectic schedule was killing me. I had fooled myself into thinking I worked better under pressure. High blood pressure, depression, anxiety and panic attacks told me differently.

But the problem I see in slowing down is guilt. I think about everything I used to do: teaching Sunday school, leading junior youth group, sitting on the Missions Committee, organizing Christmas gifts for needy families, putting together meal schedules for people who've had surgery or a baby, etc, arranging funeral luncheons, singing in the choir, directing the music for summer theatre, homeschooling Mary, and MORE. All at the same time!! I thought I was being such a good Christian. These are all good things, right? And I felt guilty of letting most of these things go.

The enemy of doing good is doing good. Too much good, that is. Did God really call me to do all these things while trying to take care of Anna? I neglected the most important things of all – yes, my husband and my family – but I was also neglecting myself and my relationship with God. I'm sure the devil was laughing hysterically.

When depression and stress became unbearable, my family doctor put me on Paxil, which turned out to be poison for my body. I came real close to a nervous breakdown. I thank the Lord for a great psychiatrist who diagnosed the problem and put me on the right medication. I also learned I have a mild form of bi-polar disorder called cyclothymia. And it's under control with meds. I've learned to embrace life without the huge, ever changing emotions I lived with my whole life. It now feels good to be on level ground.

I've also learned when I slow down, Anna is happier. She feeds on my emotions. When I'm satisfied with what I'm doing, I feel better, too. I can get quiet within myself and hear what God would have me do. And it feels pretty darn good.

Trust me when I say no one I know was ever as busy as me. And I know the guilt of letting good things go. But I've learned Anna's care is more important than anything. She can't take care of herself, after all.

How can you slow down? What can you give up to be able to better take care of your child and yourself? Do you need me to shake my finger and tell you to stop? I'm happy to take on that responsibility.


Comments

pam From At 4/19/2013 7:33:21 AM

None of us is free from enemy attacks, dear friend. But thank the Lord, He rescued me ... and you!

jenny From PA At 4/19/2013 7:08:49 AM

One thing I learned in college has stuck with me my whole life: ""Need - does NOT necessitate God's WILL."" I was set free with that saying. Pam... little did I know that the happy, vibrant Pam I knew growing up struggled so. That made me so sad to read... God was preparing you for this...

pam From At 4/15/2013 8:18:49 AM

Putting everything in front of God and our families is a lie from the pit. Let's all shake our fingers together!

Julie Ann Monzi From Gettysburg, PA At 4/15/2013 7:46:13 AM

It's hard to remember that our first duty is to our families. I have to remind myself of that all the time.

Tammie From Mullica Hill At 4/15/2013 7:30:50 AM

Start shaking that finger Lady! I need some reminding to slow down especially now with all my uncertainty regarding my health. This is difficult to remember, as moms we are hardwired to take care of everyone else first.

pam From At 4/15/2013 7:14:21 AM

You're entirely welcome! I am shaking my finger at you. :)

Cindy Mann From Franklinville At 4/15/2013 6:53:12 AM

Oh Pam, you have no idea how much I needed to read and receive these past two entries. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now to go and be obedient to what I was told through them. The hard task of un-busying and ""not-adding-to-my-list"" begins...

Previous Posts

Good from Covid?
pam
5/18/2023

Encouragement from a fellow special mama
pam
7/31/2020

A Sister's Love
pam
5/16/2019

Medical Moms
pam
1/26/2019

The Power of Doritos
pam
5/7/2018

Yay For Friends!
pam
1/9/2018

Show You!
pam
9/11/2017

Happy? 26th Birthday, Anna
pam
5/15/2017

Re-grouping
pam
3/14/2017

We can relate!
pam
9/1/2016

A Little Fall Fun
pam
10/18/2015

Going Commando
pam
10/5/2015

So Behind
pam
9/22/2015

Stares and Storytime
pam
4/12/2015

Big Big Changes
pam
3/27/2015

Blog Post on Autism
pam
9/22/2014

The Power of Pets
pam
9/12/2014

Depression's Demands
pam
8/15/2014

Do We or Don't We?
pam
8/4/2014

Falling Down
pam
6/22/2014

Research Study
pam
5/23/2014

Who goes? Who stays?
pam
5/19/2014

Being Thankful
pam
4/25/2014

Excellent Article
pam
4/7/2014

Jury Duty and Holland
pam
3/27/2014

I Confess
pam
3/17/2014

The Dreaded Medication Change
pam
3/4/2014

Keeping It Together - part seven
pam
2/24/2014

Keeping it Together - part six
pam
2/10/2014

A Milestone Day
pam
2/3/2014

Keeping it together - part five
pam
1/21/2014

Keeping It Together - part four
pam
1/3/2014

Keeping it Together - part three
pam
12/16/2013

Keeping it Together - part two
pam
12/9/2013

Keeping it Together - part one
pam
12/5/2013

Catching Up
pam
11/13/2013

The Perfect House
pam
10/25/2013

Another Mom in the Mix
pam
10/7/2013

Grieving the Loss
pam
9/24/2013

Great article
pam
9/11/2013

This and That
pam
9/9/2013

Fun in the ER
pam
8/30/2013

Bless me, Anna!
pam
8/14/2013

Talk to me, Anna!
pam
8/8/2013

God's Will
pam
7/30/2013

Update on Anna's bloodwork
pam
7/24/2013

Stirring the Cesspool
pam
7/11/2013

Vacation and Other Fun Stuff
pam
7/3/2013

A Day at the Beach
pam
6/17/2013

Anna's Surgery Experience
pam
6/5/2013

No Place For Anna
pam
5/26/2013

Painful Gifts
pam
5/21/2013

Happy 22nd Birthday, Anna!
pam
5/15/2013

A Rough Day
pam
5/6/2013

Things I've Learned - part five
pam
4/30/2013

Things I've Learned - part four
pam
4/22/2013

Things I've Learned - part three
pam
4/15/2013

Things I've Learned - part two
pam
4/9/2013

Interview with Terri Groh
pam
4/5/2013

Things I've Learned - part one
pam
4/3/2013

The Things People Say - part eight
pam
3/27/2013

Comparisons
pam
3/18/2013

Why Is It A Blessing?
pam
3/11/2013

Tim's Place
pam
3/8/2013

New Medication Worries
pam
3/5/2013

A Night Out for Anna
pam
2/25/2013

Play it again, Sam
pam
2/20/2013

Happy Birthday
pam
2/15/2013

The Anna Bowl
pam
2/4/2013

The Queen of Babble-on
pam
1/30/2013

Really, people?
pam
1/25/2013

Cold Feet
pam
1/23/2013

Hearing God
pam
1/15/2013

Running Away
pam
1/10/2013

Post-Christmas-Reentry-Syndrome
pam
1/4/2013

Emmanuel, God With Us
pam
12/17/2012

Take Heart
pam
12/7/2012

Jumping in the Leaves
pam
11/27/2012

Being Thankful
pam
11/19/2012

Patience and Love and Wretchedness
pam
11/13/2012

A Typical Halter Vacation
pam
11/8/2012

Is This Really My Life?
pam
11/1/2012

Frankenstorm
pam
10/27/2012

A Small Victory at Anna's Program
pam
10/24/2012

Update on the problem at Anna's program
pam
10/22/2012

The Fight Goes On
pam
10/19/2012

Fighting the Good Fight
pam
10/18/2012

Sit down, Anna
pam
10/16/2012

The Things People Say - conclusion
pam
10/15/2012

The Cloaking Device
pam
10/12/2012

The Things People Say - part seven
pam
10/11/2012

The Things People Say - part six
pam
10/10/2012

The Things People Say - part five
pam
10/9/2012

The Things People Say - part four
pam
10/4/2012

The Things People Say - part three
pam
10/3/2012

The Things People Say - part two
pam
10/2/2012

The Things People Say - part one
pam
10/1/2012

Godzilla Lives at my House
pam
9/27/2012

The Early Bird Gets Eaten
pam
9/26/2012

Over and Over Again
pam
9/25/2012

What Good Are Seizures?
pam
9/21/2012

Why Me?
pam
9/20/2012

The Rest of my Life?
pam
9/19/2012

Feelings
Pam
9/18/2012